All your fears and worries are not one bit strange or unusual.
The subtitle of this article is “Two recent grads want to calm your job search fears.”
Q: Whenever I see someone write code, it’s like they’ve got everything memorized. Do I have to memorize everything?
A: You do not need to memorize everything. Programmers know what to write next (like exact phrasing of CSS or Javascript functions) because of repetition, familiarity, and having looked it up time and time again. Trying to intentionally memorize programming language syntax is probably less productive than learning to Google what you need and passively memorizing the things you have to look up repeatedly.
There’s lots more good stuff in the post. Go read it.